Over the last week I have had several sessions with my partner where we were able to have pain free, stress free and pleasant penetration!!
Last Sunday, we managed full penetration for the first time. It was so much easier than I had thought.. I had bought a realistic dildo (12.5″ circumference), which had been quite tight to insert, but we decided to skip it, as I was very relaxed after using my largest glass dilator… And it was quite effortless and… pain free, of course.. That time we were only in for a few minutes, but enough to leave me wanting to try again!
Right on cue, the next time we tried, it was also successful, although that day I didn’t even dilate before trying it and it took a bit longer to insert the penis, as of course the vagina was not pre-stretched…
That morning, I feel like a confirmation had taken place, as we were quite a while longer together again – enjoying my body getting used to it, feeling “new” things and generally being in awe of my own progress.
(This was in a new position and without prior dilating… cannot believe I gave it a go!) Some movement was possible, but I stopped him whenever it felt it was impacting my level of relaxation and potentially contracting me… I want nothing less than bliss…
Third time was this morning, I used my glass dilator (11cm circumference, which had seemed to me when I received it like I’d never be able to insert it, and now it takes only a couple of minutes a few good breaths..) And after that we were again able to pretty much let the penis slide in!
I think I still cannot fully feel the emotion, or maybe this long journey has prepared me so well that I can simply be with it. With picking the fruits of my careful, thoughtful and soon more embodied path, and it seems no strong emotions come – just a quiet calmness and joy to be together with the man I love in such a physical way…
I read my own words and, even though the last couple of months I’ve known this was very close (and had no doubt this was a matter of days/weeks for me, rather than months), my light-bulb moment was when, as part of her free Masterclass, Katrin mentioned she never thought the end of her journey was so close, and was surprised when it happened. There is also a feeling of strangeness and disbelief in me. It has been a very long (life!) journey and lots of things need to fall into place now, and that’s not going to happen in a week, I know it, despite all the psycho-emotional work that’s already behind me…
But on the other hand, I am calm and grateful to myself, to my body, for having followed my pace, for having followed inspirations and taken the next step I felt was right.
Also to my body for being exactly how it is, and for its wisdom and intelligence, that I initially didn’t believe in, and then sometimes doubted.
By now we’ve tried 2 or 3 positions (me on top, him on top and sideways, facing each other), I find, regardless of the position, if I am able to relax, then I’m good. The other day that didn’t seem possible with me on top, and this morning I surprised myself in that it was possible!! Every moment, checking in with myself is vital. I am not the same on different days, even in different moments of the day!! Very important, when my partner was getting carried away and was moving a bit more than felt safe for me, I immediately said it, and he responded also immediately, so as to avoid my body getting a message of “alarm, dangerous movement!!”. That I also find crucial.
I am very much exploring – this morning we were quite a while together with him inside me, enjoying my body getting used to it, feeling “new” things and generally being in awe of my own progress… Movement started to feel somewhat pleasant, when he did it slowly enough…
I just want to say to you all, don’t ever doubt you will get there, the journey brings us exactly what we are needing, I know you are all doing amazing inner work, and also looking after your pelvic floor more and more, and, as one of my teachers says: your success is unavoidable!!
Katrin has been pivotal for me, both the online material and having listened to her live have been key, as little gems she shared helped me understand where I was and what I was needing to overcome that experience… Now lots of new things to be learned and new feelings/sensations beckoning – and I am here, as I’ve been lately, ready to continue this fantastic journey…
Katrin, thank you, thank you, thank you for your life path, for your professional path and for your warm heart that has kept you going on both… You are a big part of what has brought me here.
Thank you for forming this community, and being there and sharing your experiences too! This makes a difference.
– Pilar (46 years old, Maidenhead, UK)
