I was the first… one-on-one client that is.
I had endometriosis, I had a hysterectomy, I had phantom pains, I had painful sex. I just had pain. After all of the previous situations I figured pain was the norm and always would be the norm.
One night, I was fussing around with the computer putting in some of my symptoms. I ran across the name vaginismus. At the same time, I saw Katrin’s picture. I was skeptical because I didn’t know what vaginismus was (I did read the info there) but you never know what you will get with a picture and a book. I was skeptical enough that I just shut my computer.
It was several, several, months later that I ran across Katrin and her book and her offer of a one-on-one consultation again.
This time I took a chance and bought the book for the shipping cost. The book was concise, informative, and a step-by-step guide on how to get help. With the book was offered a 30 minute consultation. I did talk to Katrin.
She was down to earth, kind, and just listened. She explained how she could help. If you chose not to do the one on one there are other ways to communicate. It’s just not as personalized as a one-on-one. Now don’t get me wrong, this was a decision to make. It was the best one I’ve made.
I’ve learned more about myself. Sexually and emotionally. I have gotten stuck along the way. She has been my biggest supporter and cheerleader. She has never let me fall.
In our 4 months together, I started believing in myself.
I found the confidence to have the conversation to put PIV sex off the table for as long as I felt I wanted to. I became more at peace with where I was at in my healing journey and more prepared to set boundaries. To be able to stand behind my preferences in life, sexually and otherwise.
To get to that point, I gave myself the permission to learn about what kind of intimacy I REALLY want. I began feeling excitement to explore touch in a whole new way! I made myself a priority and committed to a pleasure exploration challenge that Katrin set up for me and I WON!! I held my body in a way that I hadn’t before and I realized what kind of touch I‘ve been craving! What my erotic language really is.
Whereas before I was hesitant about using something like a vibrator, now the thought of having a little collection makes me happy! Using toys in my pleasure exploration is now something enticing, and I’ve even treated myself to some erotica! Now I get to comfortably and shamelessly enjoy the sensations of my body and I don’t feel like I need to push through pain.
You know, someone once said that I was a cold fish in bed and of course I was – the anxiety and pain had me feeling paralyzed and stuck!
Even though I’m not having partnered penetrative sex yet (and don’t have a partner to try it with), I’ve now shifted the anxiety I was feeling about my sexuality into more of a sense of adventure. Still, during this journey I experienced non-penetrative sex with a partner and felt like without the expectation of going all the way, I could allow myself to surrender to the masculine and have fun with it! Even though I had too often been overpowered by men sexually before, I now know that I set the rules and get to celebrate my sexual energy with a partner, however it likes to be expressed. Also knowing that no man can make me do something I don’t want to!
Though I used to be depressed about my body, I also learned about my vulva and vagina in a way that is loving and complete, without judgement.
I started to understand and accept her and see myself as a sexy and confident woman who knows her worth and stands for what she wants.
I’ve more or less taken “I don’t know” out of my vocabulary, realizing that I DO know what I want and I’m not afraid to say it. In that process, I cut off a really long-term friends-with-benefits relationship and gave the option to my more recent friends-with-benefits relationship simply friends, NO benefits. That was a brave move that I’m really proud of. I had felt the negative impact of these relationships on my mental health for a long time and finally made my well-being a priority.
What’s more is that I found more peace within myself and I realized that I love my body overall (and can therefore expect others to respect and love of my body too). One thing I said to Katrin was, “Do you know how to look in a mirror and not see yourself? Well, that’s how I see myself.” At the start of our work together, I found myself wanting to say “I love you” to myself in the mirror only in a joking way. And THEN I got the first normal and meaningful “I love you” on a Thursday and I’ve been able to do it ever since.
As for the past, I’ve remembered and have been able to face some deep emotional pain. I’ve been well on my way to be able to forgive people in my life who have hurt me. There’s been a deeper understanding of where some of my anger with the masculine has come from and I’ve been able to untangle a lot of that so I can approach relationships from a fresh perspective.
Even though I haven’t had a long-term romantic partner during my time with Katrin, I have the confidence now that I’m going to attract a loving partner in my life, who gives me the love and respect I deserve.
Because a relationship CAN be fun and easy and I get to have one of those!
Yes, the journey used to be overwhelming, daunting and more than a little bit scary… But now it seems the more you learn, the more questions you have and it becomes quite exciting!
That’s why by choice, I have continued to work with Katrin past our 4 months. The longer I work with her the more confident I become in more areas of my life. I’m even more resilient altogether. After a LONG job search, I landed a job that I really like and said goodbye to the one that was super tiring, both physically and emotionally. And that was HUGE for me!
AND most recently, I had my first pain-free pelvic exam EVER!! I didn’t even hold my stomach or tighten up like I used to. So that gives me peace that amazing things are ahead for me…
Overall, Katrin has become my mentor and friend. She’s my little light!
– Kristi (49 years old, Franklin, USA)
