Near the beginning of September, I stepped into dilating after purchasing the Intimate Rose dilators and taking much of your online courses on dilating and pelvic floor relaxation.
Unfortunately, I went a little faster than I should have, and as soon as I applied just a little bit of pressure on my opening with the first dilator, I immediately shutdown with panic and trauma. I tried again two days later, only to experience the same thing. I was crushed. Over the last month and a half since then, I’ve backtracked significantly in my progress, and the trauma, physical tension/tightness, and anxiety have been worse than ever.
Last week I was giving up hope after attempting the dilator one more time and having a panic attack.
Several women really surrounded me this fall and have been a huge emotional support on the worst days. They have given me confidence that I WILL heal someday.
Many days I felt like I had lost my motivation for life again like I had last December when I first stumbled across your Instagram page and website. I had to take a step back from the online course and anything related to vaginismus to remember who I am and what my purpose in life is, and just focus on the people and beauty around me and enjoying the good things in life.
Then, the most AMAZING plot twist happened today!!! I am SO excited to share, Katrin!
I’m in shock. I DID IT!!!!!! I DILATED!!!!! And I didn’t freak out or shut down!
I was able to control my breathing, practice relaxing my pelvic muscles, and I got the ENTIRE first dilator in. I was even moving it slowly back and forth, I was able to take it out and put it back in three different times, sit and stand in different positions with it in, and had it in for 5-10 minutes! I still can’t believe it. I couldn’t stop crying and laughing.
This is so huge. Two months ago, even a week and a half ago, I couldn’t even get the tip in without shocking pain, panic, and trauma shutdown. It feels like a miracle to me.
I’ve been hardcore celebrating all day – dancing around the kitchen while waiting for my sourdough bread to bake and enjoying homemade ice cream, and texting my husband and close friends, all while saying over and over again, “I can’t believe I actually did it!” This is finally the beginning of the end!!
It’s been a tough road lately (that’s why I had been so absent from the journey), but I finally see some light ahead.
I never knew such freedom, peace and safety could exist in my body and that relaxing into surrender was possible!
I can’t wait to celebrate tonight with friends, homemade pizza and ice cream.
Thank you so much for everything you do, Katrin. You’re the reason I didn’t give up back in January this year. And I never would have thought that by the end of the year I would be on the verge of overcoming vaginismus and experiencing PIV sex! I’m so so thankful for the way your online courses, Masterclasses, emails, and Instagram posts have taught me, validated my journey, and kept me going now to this point.
And I look forward to helping women with this struggle someday as well! I hope every woman experiencing vaginismus can experience this newfound power, peace, and freedom.”