I started seeing my current partner when I was 18 (I am now 24) and before this I had never had any sexual experiences...
So I didn't yet realize that I had vaginismus.
There were signs - for example never being able to use tampons and never feeling comfortable with exploring my own body in a sexual way. It was soon obvious that something wasn't right as I would completely panic and seize up whenever we attempted penetration.
I was terrified of penetration and would even feel myself tensing up just at the thought of it. This continued for years and caused a lot of heartache and hard conversations between me and my partner.
After LOTS of research I finally realized what was happening to me… vaginismus. I decided to invest in a help kit which included a text book, a workbook and dilators… but the dilators terrified me so much it would be another year or so before I finally had the guts to try them.
My mindset changed when I realized it was coming up to our 5 year anniversary - anniversaries were always a sore subject for us as it was always there in the back of our minds that we felt there was a piece of our relationship missing.
It was hard to be excited about the future when we still had what felt like a big elephant in the room. So, I decided I was going to put my absolute all into overcoming vaginismus.
I began using the dilators every night and although it was difficult at times I slowly became more comfortable with it. Once I got past the first and second dilators I flew through the rest.
Persistence really is KEY…
Some nights were hard but I still tried again the next night and the next until I found myself successfully using the final dilator comfortably. Now my partner and I are having penetrative sex and more importantly I enjoy it!
I worked so hard to overcome vaginismus and it has paid off. I was so lucky to have a patient man who is gentle and understanding even when times were hard. My advice for others going through this is to be kind to yourself and be persistent… small steps can lead to big changes.
Your page really helped me when I was going through my journey so thank you for all you do! Another amazing page that encouraged me greatly with dilating was @uptight.allnight.
Other people's stories gave me hope when vaginismus made me feel hopeless.
To think that I now have my own success story is unreal!
- Demi (24 years old, Liverpool, England)