Societal conditioning has shaped us to think sex as soon as we hear ‘love life’.
Similarly, as soon as we hear sex, we think penetrative sex – that’s how we’ve understood it as a result of the media and our sex education (the little bit we received).
Sex is SO much more than penetrative sex and love is SO much more than sex!
There are beautiful ways to create a fantastic love life that don’t involve penetration!
Is penetration bad?
And WHILE you’re adding that option to the menu, there are plenty of other forms of intimacy you can choose to indulge in outside of it.
So what other activities does a wonderful love life entail?
The possibilities are endless!
Everyone naturally feels loved in different ways – a unique combination of The 5 Love Languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
And naturally, the way you typically FEEL loved is the way you tend to GIVE love, on autopilot.
So if you feel loved by receiving physical touch, you would be more likely to try to communicate your love to your partner by caressing them, hugging them, or holding their hand.
Or if your primary love language is acts of kindness, you would be more likely to do acts of kindness FOR your partner in order to show them that you love them.
BUT if your partner doesn’t share your love language, they wouldn’t feel loved by it.
That’s when a love gap exists!
Communication breaks down and feelings of abandonment and resentment get created.
In my personal life, these communication break downs look like this:
Me: Hmmm, he rarely tells me that he loves me and he doesn’t touch me NEARLY enough to show that he cares! Hell, he doesn’t touch me in public at all!
(Can you guess what MY primary love languages are?)
My partner: Wow, I bring her water when she’s working and I spend time with her on our dog walks, but she seems so distant lately. I wonder what I’m doing wrong…
(Can you guess what HIS primary love languages are?)
If we didn’t talk through things to understand our love languages…
Our relationship could have gone down the drain a LONG time ago!
It turns out that HE feels loved and appreciated when I do acts of service for him and we spend quality time together.
I started bringing HIM a glass of water when he’s working and he loved it!
With this new way of showing love, his nervous system became present to this new thought – “Wow, she cares for me, she’s paying attention to my well-being.”
That inspired HIM to tune into what I desired and he started hugging me and caressing me more.
Unlike the Cycle of Pain, this is a virtuous cycle!
One person lights up the other who then comes around and further fuels the positivity in the relationship!
Can you guess what your primary love languages are? How about that of your partner, if you have one? If not, you can take this quiz to get a better idea.
AND as love languages exist, so do erotic languages, a concept created by Jaiya, an amazing somatic sexologist.
These are life-changing in the realm of overcoming vaginismus! Understanding your erotic language(s) can help you find safety within your nervous system, which in turn helps to physically relax the body.
But let’s start with the love languages themselves!
Based on your 5 love language(s)…
You’re now better equipped to consciously CHOOSE to give love to your partner in the way they prefer to receive it.
And you can kindly communicate your preferences to them too, in the hopes that they’ll start to build new habits to help you feel loved also!
Even IF you understand your partner’s love language(s), it can be tough to shift your own style of showing love.
Thankfully, it’s possible AND there are some creative tools to help with that.
Let’s start with The Date Night Creative Ideas Kit available at MedAmour!
This is a really cute one, MOSTLY applicable to the ‘quality time’ and ‘acts of kindness’ love languages.
You draw one of the 100 date night ideas and go with it!
It’s perfect especially if you’d like to add an element of surprise and spontaneity with your intimate encounters.
Some of these ideas don’t require much preparation and others are more involved, but so worth it!
Here are some examples of the goodies hidden in The Date Nights Creative Ideas Kit.
These Love Notes are another fun tool you can use to spice up your love life!
It’s a booklet of pre-written love notes, that act as love reminders and even vouchers you can gift to your significant other.
This is a voucher for a drop-everything kiss, whenever, wherever.
You get to take out a note, fold it up, address it to your partner and leave it somewhere for them to find!
Because who doesn’t love getting that warm fuzzy feeling?
The final product looks something like this!
These lovely little tools are incredibly affordable also – just $8 and $9 respectively!
You’re welcome to use code KATRINWITHLOVE at MedAmour to receive $10 off any order of $50 or more and free shipping on orders over $55.
Please comment below with your thoughts, questions or objections about anything I shared!
Also, I want to congratulate you for committing to your love life by doing your research and reading this!
Starting is the hardest step in any journey and that means you’re well on your way! Celebrate that fact today… How about a relaxing massage?
And if you haven’t gotten your hands on my free online course yet, get “Putting Vaginismus In The Past” now.
To your amazing love life!
– Katrin, with Love