I was 20 years old when I lost my virginity.
I believed in the notion that sex, at first for women, will be uncomfortable because our bodies have to get used to it. Plus, I’m Asian, so there is a misunderstanding that Asian women have tight vaginas so it might take a little bit longer for our vaginas get used to sex.
More importantly, I heard it’s hard for women to have pleasurable sex at first. All these reasons are completely false and I wish schools and media will stop sharing these notions.
My doctor told me I should use dilators, however, I put off getting them because they were expensive and I wasn’t in a relationship at a time.
Then, I got a boyfriend who at the time was super patient, but I felt like he deserved more. He deserved better sex.
I couldn’t stand having sex for more than 5 minutes because of the discomfort.
I heard how my other girlfriends talk about their sex lives and how they loved it. But I realized I didn’t feel the same way and thought that is weird. Again, I thought my vagina needs more time to adjust.
In the meantime, I heard about vaginismus, but after doing some research, I realized I had it.
The pandemic hit and I was separated from my boyfriend. I missed him, but it felt wonderful not to have sex for three months!
When I saw him again, I got super scared because I knew he would want sex and I’m not ready for that, and I knew he would be disappointed.
At the same time, I realized my boyfriend and I weren’t good together and I decided to break up with him.
Plus, I wanted to figure out my body alone and not feel pressured to have sex.
In June of 2020, I broke up with him and I was finally diagnosed with vaginismus. Fast forward to August, where I matched to a guy on Tinder, and the rest was history!
I fell in love with Brandon within a month of dating him. But Brandon was different. He accepted me and we started to date.
In September, I bought the dilators and started to use them.
As I read the book that came with them, I realized I was able to have penetration during sex and was able to use a tampon, but it felt uncomfortable and kinda stingy. For the next three months, I used them consistently.
Then December hit and I was moving into my apartment, so Brandon and I can finally have alone time. (Before, I lived at my parents’ and with COVID, we couldn’t do much).
The first couple of tries, we couldn’t get his penis in and when it was in, it hurt.
However, after trying for a couple of days, trying different positions, and lots of lube, we were able to have sex pleasurably!! And let me tell you, we have been having sex since.
I have more of the process to go: finding other positions, having penetrative sex for more than 10 minutes, etc.
And here is my advice: use the dilators, listen to your body, and trust your partner. I think the main reason why it worked so well was because I trust Brandon with all my heart and because I broke the Cycle of Pain mentally.
Good luck ladies!
– Anna (22 years old, Philadelphia, USA)