Due to the pain you've experienced, it's only natural that a part of you is scared to go there again.
Your nervous system may have put walls up to sexual experiences. And when they happen, you may disassociate from your body in an attempt to escape.
Getting back in touch with pleasure in your body is SUCH a healing part of the journey.
The experience of pleasurable, loving touch is what your nervous system craves...
It's what it needs to feel safe! To then allow the pelvic floor to physically relax also.