I’m 41. I found out I had vaginismus when I was 22, on my wedding night with my first husband.
I went through many doctors who didn’t know what was wrong with me... A hymenectomy because one doctor thought that a thick hymen was my problem, acupuncture, biofeedback, herbs, numbing creams, anxiety meds, kegels, dilators, the list goes on.
Dilator therapy eventually did make penetration possible, but with soreness, and sexual pleasure was never achieved. That marriage ended after 7 years, and 12 years later (last July) I married the love of my life. I had not been sexually active in between, although I always used tampons and had my annual exams.
Now, being married and sexually active again, I find that although vaginal penetration is possible with plenty of lube, it needs to happen slowly. I still feel tightness and soreness with penetration, so that in itself doesn’t lead to sexual arousal.
The good news is that with my current partner, I am able to feel sexual pleasure and regularly achieve climax with external stimulation (things I was never able to achieve in my first marriage). The most recent thing we tried before meeting Katrin was pelvic floor therapy/massage, stretching/relaxing muscle and breathing exercises, and magnetic dilators. My goal is to achieve pleasure and arousal during penetrative sex. The first step is to no longer have tightness/soreness with penetration.
One thing to note: Many doctors throughout the years have recommended masturbation as a necessary step in achieving my goals.
Although I wholeheartedly agree with self-care, loving myself, and being good to my mind and body, I do not due to personal beliefs agree with nor wish to incorporate sexual self-pleasure as part of my journey to recovery. I’m grateful Katrin respects this, and offers positive alternatives, such as incorporating pleasure into partner-involved dilator therapy.
And, I do maintain open and honest communication with my husband about what feels good and we even incorporate sexual toys in our intimate play in order to increase pleasure mutually.
And I’m so blessed to have an amazing husband who is patient and committed and invested in working right alongside with me to help me with my struggle. He purchased the book “Breaking the Cycle of Vaginismus” and both read it cover to cover the night it arrived.
We knew we had come to the right place. We immediately set up an initial consultation with Katrin and we are so glad we did. She is patient, empathetic, extremely knowledgeable, and kind. And she’s been where I've been. All of the things that are needed to have the right coach and mentor through such an intimate and challenging process.
She listened carefully and provided much valuable knowledge. She educated us on ways to make the things we were already implementing be the most effective and introduced us to new activities and techniques that we’d never even heard of.
She was never pushy.
We felt understood. We felt empowered. We felt hope.
We are looking forward to putting into practice everything she suggested and to continuing to work with her on this journey toward total recovery.
My advice if you’ve been searching everywhere for something to help with your situation, someone to understand your pain, you don’t need to look any further. You’ve come to the right place.
You can find relief. You will find relief.
We are at the beginning of our journey with her and we have already found measurable relief, and we know you will, too.
It is possible to break the cycle of pain!
- Anonymous (41 years old, New York, USA)