Sometimes, vaginismus might make you feel like you are all alone on your path to recovery. A path full of pain and uncertainty…
Can you relate?
You’re not alone! Other people have been where you are today. And they have overcome vaginismus. Now these vulva owners share 11 tips to help you in your journey.
Here they are:
1. Don’t Look
Some people will tell you that you have to become fully comfortable with your lady parts before you can start enjoying sex. Looking at them, touching them, being able to name them… But that didn’t work for me.
Instead, what helped me was NOT looking.
Not looking down at myself or the dilator when I used it. Like not at all. I hated looking at that thing. But it did do wonders. I also used a vibrator while slowly putting it in. Now that was a game changer.
2. Body Position
When you’re ready to try PIV (penis in vagina) sex again, the key is to be as comfortable as possible. You don’t have to bend over like a pretzel to make it work!
I thought being on top would be best since I’d have more control of the speed and angle.
But I realized this position had me use more of my muscles so it was harder to isolate my pelvic floor and relax.
To be most comfortable, I recommend you start in the missionary position with a pillow under you. Once you’ve mastered this one, experimenting will be more fun.
3. Slow And Steady
If I had to redo my dilating experience, I’d start even slower than I did. Rushing the beginning stages actually slowed down my progress… I’d suggest spending a few days not attempting insertion, but instead contracting and releasing your vaginal muscles as you hold the dilator there.
That’s how you can acquaint your body with the idea of having something close to your vaginal opening as you relax.
I didn’t spend the time to practice this.
I got frustrated that it took so long to penetrate myself, but I guess it was because I was overwhelming my body!
Since I was approaching the exercise with an intention of insertion right off the bat, my muscles would involuntarily tense up when the dilator tip was near my vagina. To stop my brain from sending the signal to my body to tense, I needed to practice having the dilator close to my vaginal opening, without any intention to insert it.
4. Kegels Or Not?
Most vulva owners are told they need to strengthen their pelvic floor. Yet for a lot of us suffering from vaginismus, that’s the opposite of what we need to be doing!
Since I didn’t know better, kegel exercises made things worse for me.
Whether you should do kegels to strengthen your muscles depends on your pelvic floor state – if it’s tight or not and if you have active trigger points. Don’t mess with kegels until you’re sure what’s right for you.
If You Liked the Tips Above…
Then you’d love a guide that reveals all 11 tips from vulva owners. These can help you learn from their experiences, shortcuts to implement and mistakes to avoid, so you can become pain free and intimate too.
They are a part of the free online course, “Putting Vaginismus In The Past”, which is my gift to you!
There’s no better time than now to establish some certainty in your own path to becoming pain free and intimate.
Why? Because you deserve to feel happy and complete again!
– Katrin, with Love